I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
