She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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