Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
