Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
