well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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