Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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