WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
