everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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