I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
