If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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