Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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