walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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