I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
