we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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