Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
