you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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