You just made me feel so damn special
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
