Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
