Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's never too late to be topless.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
