I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
