This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
