where are you?
Hypothermia
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
