So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
3pm strippers are depressing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
