Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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