My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
