Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
