the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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