it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
