love makes seman taste better
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
