Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
