What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
