Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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