he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
