I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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