I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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