How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I AM VODKA MAN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
