I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
