Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
