My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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