i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
