I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
