He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
