i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
