i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
