Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
