My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
