Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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