dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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