I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
