i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just threw up on my dentist
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Congratulations! We have a period
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