Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
