Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
